I am very grateful, God, for every little thing in my life.  Day after day, I’ve came to appreciate the blessings. To be able to wake up for another day, breathing in and out, attending school, the opportunities and miracles, all these I counted as gains in You, my Lord.

I still worry, fear and stress. But I continue to trust in the almighty God. More and more I know that He has prepared and instore something great for me. Although I am not sure what exactly they are, but I am confidence to say that He is able and His power above and beyond my comprehension. My strength and confidence do not lie in what I have and who I am, because I am nothing. He is everything to me. Thank you Father.

You know my heart, for the prayers and those that were in my heart and couldn’t uttered, Lord, you know them all. You hear them all. You care and love. I placed them before Your feet Father. Oh Lord Almighty, God Eternal. This is my honest request. I worship you day in and day out, I worship you waking up and lying down, I worship you walking and sitting, I worship you and lift your name up high. Who am I that you granted me the privilege to come before you to worship you, Lord of heaven and earth.

Four years ago, I didn’t know how to be grateful. Four years later, I’ve learned appreciation, deep appreciation for each step of my life.

This was never really the choice of my heart, but I do believe me choosing this school was due to a divine purpose. In this four years of suffering, I came to know more about God, about myself, and my purpose in life. There is no regret. I am thankful because I know I’m inadequate, yet the Lord is merciful and gracious. One miracle after another, you have given me so much. Thank you Lord.

Now here is another turning point of my life. I am not sure whether the God will perform the same miracle as He did four years ago. As in my application process, the gpa, test scores, work experiences etc., nothing is good enough for the schools I applied. 也正是因为这个原因,我知道不管最后结果是什么,都不是我的手能控制的. I’ve come to the end of myself, I have no confidence in myself whatsoever. Because I know whom I have believed, and I know if I get accepted, it is God’s hands.

Father, Father, merciful God, please. PLEASE.

Senior year

Who said senior year would be easy and relaxing? It is an intensified version of three years ago. Even today, I still recall what I had gone through senior year in high school, the amount of prayers and tears that went into the process. That period of time led me where I am now, gave me new revelation and renewed my love for God. I thought that would be the last time in my life experiencing such level of stress, pressure, and anticipations and disappointment. I wasn’t disappointed because God did the impossible, beyond what I could think or ask for.

I was aware of my academic performance in school, my standardized test scores and recommendations. God gave me what I asked for, a good school that was beyond my reach. I am thankful and grateful because in my heart and mind I knew it was not from me, it was His greatness!

Now three years later, I am put in the same situation again. Unsure about school selections and aware of my average academic performance, I want God to do the same this time! I’ve come to the point where I can say with full confidence that this is the end of myself and I have no power over the decisions. I recognized my inadequecy, and I know even rejection letters should be well expected.  The only thing I could hold onto these days is the conviction that God is merciful and able.

I’m still uncertain at what schools I should apply and what schools God wants me to apply. It’s funny that I said I would never go anywhere other than the east coast or Texas, but I ended up applying early decision to Duke, a school I never thought I would be going. well, at the same time, I am expecting a rejection 99.9%.  I just hope that God will open the door wherever he leads me. I call unto Your holy name, my Lord. I need You, Father.

I don’t know what to do and where to go now. Savior, show me the way as You did before. Rescue me as You did before. I did what I ought to do in this application process, the rest I lay it before Your feet, my Lord. With my earnest request, grant me my prayer.