…but greater still the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.
This line has comforted my heart so much in times like this. My heart sank, ached and hurt when I opened the letter. I nearly fainted in the elevator, couldn’t believe my eyes. God has taken away my “last resort” , my back-up plan. Now, I have nothing to fall back on. I am left here hanging, fully exposed to the next rounds of more pain and hurt.
This letter is not in my plan whatsoever. Out of all the schools I applied, I thought I would at least get into this one. However, this is the first rejection I received. Lord, where are you? Did you hear my cry? did you feel the brokeness of my heart? did you see my tears? Lord, where are you?
Out of deep desperation I am writing this post. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives. In the glimpse of seconds, I even had the thought of suicide. I truly came to the end of myself, there is no alternative, no turning back, no hope and no future. He reigns.Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone.
真的吗? 我还能这样活下去吗? 主, 你在哪里? 你把我丢在这里吗? 我一人承受不来. 我心痛的无法呼吸. I know I am inadequate, but I thought Lord, You would do the amazing work! Lord, I have trusted Your promise every step of the way, I have placed all my faith and strength in You. WHY?! WHY the rejection. 主, 你难道没有听见我的呼求吗? 主, 你没有感受到我的痛苦吗? 主, 你没有看见我的泪水吗? 主,你在哪里? 来救救我吧!
