God is so good

I’ve been listening to the children’s song “God is so good”. My restless heart, my trying circumstance, my discouraged soul, Lord, where are you? Have you heard my earnest prayer? Have you remembered my situation?

I’m 22

I want to dedicate this post to my 22 years of life. 

To be honest, I never thought I would be where I am right now….so OLD. I hate aging, I hate growing up. Although I do enjoy the benefit of growing old, I get to experince alot more than when I was younger, or much younger. But what also comes into the package is stress, anxiety, greater expectation and ideas.

I don’t want to make the begining of my 22nd year so depressing.  I do want to have a very peaceful and quiet birthday. I didn’t put my birthday info on facebook, so no one would know! That way, I can claim 21 forever! I do secretly enjoy this way.

I hope things will be different this year than last year. A new me, a new position, everything will be new starting tomorrow. This year, I won’t write down what I hope to accomplish, I want to present Him a blank sheet, and let Him fill it out. I am confident by my next birthday, this blank sheet will turn into a beautiful page of its own.

Bestow blessing upon blessing this year, Lord! I am eager to see your most glorious work!

Am I crazy?

I must say yes to this question. I am even amazed at my thoughts. Yesterday I just said I would not think of this matter, but lo and behold, I was trying to apply a job at the city where he works. How ridiculous is that! I am making a move AGAIN!!!!! This should not happen. I can’t believe how I was reminded of him in and out of the house all day long. He wsas in our conversation often, and the more I try to kick him out of my thoughts, the more I think of him. I hate myself. I must be guy-deprived for too long. And having no job definitely makes it worse.

At the same time, I know in my heart that he is not the type I like, not even close, to name a few, his height, age, ethnicity etc. I have feeling for him? You must be kidding me!!!

Anyhow, there are alot of things to do right now, applying for school, jobs, studying, reading, planning out future etc. From tomorrow, he’s out. This time, I can not approach to a guy first. I have too many failing experiences in terms of relationship, and I don’t need to add another one to it. Besides, I know a couple girls who will be more suitable to him than I am. If this is what he desires, let him approach me first, let him pursue me first. I don’t like him, probably just feel like an older brother-ish.

Will he be the one?

So this individual has spiced my life up a little bit recently. I don’t want to say I have feeling for him, neither will I make a potential move to test this matter. This time, I will be myself, and let it flow.

I thought this was very cute. I could never wake up early Sunday morning, no matter how many alarm clocks I set up, eventually someone in the house has to take up the task in waking me up. It’s normally my grandma. He volunteered this time as I mentioned at dinner table how one of my little cousin always sings right outside my door to wake me up with no particular reason. Yes, he volunteered to do so on this Sunday morning. I bore very little expectation, thinking that he would probably forget it. I completely push this in the back of my head. Surprisingly, he did, and in a very romantic way. Instead of banging on my door, or throwing things, or just yelling out my name, out of all the odds, he gracefully placed cello to wake me up.  This is like what I would imagine in a Asian Soap where the guy will play instrument for the girl. Of course, I woke up   My reaction was a little weird, I jokingly said, why so early, there are people who need sleep. He laughed, and so did I.

I then sat in front of the piano, and asked him to play a particular song. He asked me to take the lead, and he joined in. It was beautiful, piano and cello, broke the morning dawn. My heart was touched, by the melody, by this rather eventful morning and more than anything else, him.

Saturday afternoon: he ironed my shirt. he bought the food I asked. he taught me how to cook.

Perhaps these are nothing, and maybe I am over-thinking, and over-analyzing, but I am not trying to reach any point. I simply want to record whatever that happened during this weekend.

I am not sure what will happen in the future, and I am not expecting anything this time. Whatever happen happens.

New Job

So tomorrow I will start my new internship, 8am sharp. I feel rather fortunate in this period of economical turmoil, I actually have a paid internship for the duration of the semester and it’s a job that I’ve always wanted to try it out.

I realized how I often surprise people by my out-of-the-blue decisions, but I’m grateful that I can pursue things I enjoy, at least, before I have to settle down with a real job that could grant me a life sentence.

Nervous, uneasy, exciting. Hopefully tomorrow won’t be a tough day and life at the newspaper will not be awkward. Lord, help me!